I've been thinking about this before, several times, many times. The right said yes, but the left driving me doubt. No confidence of keeping it as low, as honest, and lasting. Dilemma, and did not dare to start.
And there came the toughest part for me and family; the most respectful man in my life has peacefully gone to The Maker, Allah. My Grandfather, Hj Ahmad Yahya, or we called him Ong (grandfather in Khmer language) left this dunya in his 100 & 25 days y/o. Al Fatihah.
It leaves a big impact on me. Ong was someone whom I gave my utmost respect to in my life, as I was under his care since 8 y/o till university. I had a severe skin disease at that time. Each month, at his age of 84, he accompanied me to meet the Dermatologist located 1 hour away, call a cab, then bus, then the beca. After 3 hours of checking, rode the beca to Jaafa and Rawas, bought me a new lightweight rehal and Quran, or any books or gifts.
He was my Quran teacher. Which happened that he only taught a few of his grandchildren, and I was very lucky to be under him. Grateful, too grateful that later, thats what i use to repay him...
At night when I cant sleep alone, too afraid and cried, he and Mai (my grandmother) will comfort me and sleep besides me.
Everyday he will give me RM1. discipline myself to buy what i want for 1 day.
I kinda follow the way he eat. In one plate of rice, separate 1 mouthful rice and dish that you want to eat first, then eat. So that, if happened that you cant finish the remaining rice, you can keep it or give to other person. Dont waste it.
He's a good father to his children. Even though his children came home to visit him, every morning he will walk to the coffee house to buy roti canai enough for them. My mom said its a habit of him.
He would sit at the end of the table of the coffee house with the village people surrounding him. His favourite breakfast was teh tarik and roti telur. He would order for me the same and asked me to sit beside him, listening to whatever morning people talk. He wont let me drink if the tea's too hot, put a bit of tea on the plate to make it less hot and ask me to drink. and we walked home together.
He taught a kelas agama every Friday morning in the hall, which I cant interfere. But what i did at the end of the class was, i sat in front of the door, smiling and the village people gave me their notes or cents. Without Ong knowing. Being a young child that knows nothing, i was too happy. But, unfortunately he saw. At the end ive been scolded.
That's what happened when I was young.
Too many memories of him, all good memories. He never did bad to people. After i reached boarding school, all changed. The situation and the conflict. The house was slowly changing following the fate. Also me, the weak me who forgot the guidance and what Ive learnt thru him..
Now he's gone, on Friday, before Maghrib's azan. A beautiful time. He's gone peacefully, with his wife, all his sons from far that coincidentally back to Malaysia for a while, daughters, grandchildren, great grandchildren to be beside him.
I was too sad, yet Im relieved, that Allah let him go peacefully, sangat tenang, without any complication. All urusan jenazah was done by his darah daging. Without knowing, I started to realize, of what he taught me before. Ive done too many crime. I want to change myself for the better, slowly, from time to time. So that one day if my time has come, I will leave like him, dipermudahkan segalanya.
I know it takes courage, I might have slipped many times, and have many wrong ways. But now i think dont wait for a change to come, I just have to do it. Guide me to be a better person.
I miss him. and i know i have to sedekah the 3 Qul Surah and Alfatihah to him each time i miss him. Thats his request when he was alive - bacakan Ong 3 qul bila ong dah xde ya.. My Uncle said the best way to repay him is always doakan. Doa from the children and relative is the most makbul. You should do for your family too. Semoga mereka ditempatkan di kalangan org2 yang beriman, InsyaAllah :)
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